I have this very scary overwhelming feeling that if I am induced it will somehow lead to an emergency c-section. I don't really know where this feeling is coming from however it has been on my mind all week and with my appointment to be induced rapidly apprching I am afraid that it will weaken my confidence in my ability and I will self destruct.
So I guess I should explain why I don't know if I can do this. When I was pregnant with Jake I never got to 40 weeks. I was 5 cm dilated at 37 weeks without feeling one contraction. Not even a Braxton hicks contractions. I mean that no pain no discomfort nothing. I actually felt better at 37 weeks then I did at 28 weeks. I only found out I was dilated because I had a scheduled appointment with my doctor that day. She admitted me to the hospital right away. I checked in before 6 and was dilated to 7 cm by 8pm. Then at 7 cm I was given an epidural. 7 hours after being admitted to the hospital I was holding Jake. It all seemed so right and so easy. It went with the flow. "Very text book" vaginal delivery as one of the nurses put it.
So as you can tell the very strong contractions that pitocin will give me to induce my labor with Madison are extremely scary. I just have no idea what to expect or how things will progress. How much pain will I have to endure to go from 3 cm (which is where I am now) to 7 cm which is the earliest I would want to get an epidural. How long will it take. Is this all pay back for my easy labor with Jake.
It is worth every second of course as long as we have a very healthy baby girl. So how come I am so overwhelmed with emotion? I do feel blessed. I do trust in my heavenly father to watch over me. I do think that everything happens for a reason and that I had Jake exactly as I was supposed to and I will have Madison exactly as I am supposed to. Then what is my problem? Why do I feel like things may not be OK? Why do I feel like she is not ready?
My doctor is confident. He is very sure that all I need is a little jump start and she will come right out as expected. He has never made me feel for one second that anything could go wrong. He is so confident that it makes me sick. He hates to perform c-sections and would never increase the risk of needing to perform one. He has no worries. How come that does not make me feel better. He has done everything he needed to do to make sure that I am in perfect condition to be induced. He measured my uterus. He did an ultrasound to make sure Madison is head down and nothing is wrong with her. He checked my cervix 4 times in the last 2 weeks.
So everything is gonna be fine right? I guess in the end all that matters is she will be here this weekend and I can not wait to hold her.
Can someone give me any advice? Is there anything I should do to prepare?
