SHE'S HERE!

I had no need to worry of course. I now have a beautiful baby girl who is healthy and was delivered with no complications at all. Actually, although my contractions did hurt a lot more this time around I think my active labor was a lot quicker and easier than with Jake. So thank you to everyone who told me just to breath it worked.
So here are the photos you have been waiting for.
Madison Rose Tharp
10/24/2008 12:02pm
6lbs 15oz

Being Induced Friday 24th @ 3am

I have this very scary overwhelming feeling that if I am induced it will somehow lead to an emergency c-section. I don't really know where this feeling is coming from however it has been on my mind all week and with my appointment to be induced rapidly apprching I am afraid that it will weaken my confidence in my ability and I will self destruct.

So I guess I should explain why I don't know if I can do this. When I was pregnant with Jake I never got to 40 weeks. I was 5 cm dilated at 37 weeks without feeling one contraction. Not even a Braxton hicks contractions. I mean that no pain no discomfort nothing. I actually felt better at 37 weeks then I did at 28 weeks. I only found out I was dilated because I had a scheduled appointment with my doctor that day. She admitted me to the hospital right away. I checked in before 6 and was dilated to 7 cm by 8pm. Then at 7 cm I was given an epidural. 7 hours after being admitted to the hospital I was holding Jake. It all seemed so right and so easy. It went with the flow. "Very text book" vaginal delivery as one of the nurses put it.

So as you can tell the very strong contractions that pitocin will give me to induce my labor with Madison are extremely scary. I just have no idea what to expect or how things will progress. How much pain will I have to endure to go from 3 cm (which is where I am now) to 7 cm which is the earliest I would want to get an epidural. How long will it take. Is this all pay back for my easy labor with Jake.

It is worth every second of course as long as we have a very healthy baby girl. So how come I am so overwhelmed with emotion? I do feel blessed. I do trust in my heavenly father to watch over me. I do think that everything happens for a reason and that I had Jake exactly as I was supposed to and I will have Madison exactly as I am supposed to. Then what is my problem? Why do I feel like things may not be OK? Why do I feel like she is not ready?

My doctor is confident. He is very sure that all I need is a little jump start and she will come right out as expected. He has never made me feel for one second that anything could go wrong. He is so confident that it makes me sick. He hates to perform c-sections and would never increase the risk of needing to perform one. He has no worries. How come that does not make me feel better. He has done everything he needed to do to make sure that I am in perfect condition to be induced. He measured my uterus. He did an ultrasound to make sure Madison is head down and nothing is wrong with her. He checked my cervix 4 times in the last 2 weeks.

So everything is gonna be fine right? I guess in the end all that matters is she will be here this weekend and I can not wait to hold her.

Can someone give me any advice? Is there anything I should do to prepare?

October

So due to the great weather today I was in a very OCTOBER mood. This morning I stopped at the coffee shop and got a pumpkin Bellicino (its like a latte with no coffee in it). Then when we got home from the store we took our dog Yoshi for a walk around the block. Jake and I had pumpkin cake for an after lunch dessert. We also sat down and made spiders out of pipe cleaners and attached them to a spider web outside the front door.

Jake thought it was cool to put them on his head.

All the Halloween decorations are out.

It feels so good outside that all my windows are open for the first time since February. I love this time of year.

Thats Madison's crib with the new bedding I got at my baby shower from Grandma Tharp, Aunt Sara, and Karren. I just LOVE it.

That is her name on her wall that Aunt Krystle painted. Its so beautiful.

And that is me on october 1st at 37 weeks pregnant. My belly is getting HUGE!

I can not wait for this baby to get here.

OMG! Baby Madison will be here any day.

If you would have asked me 10 years ago where I saw myself at 25 I would have said that I would be the author of a best selling cookbook, or even the owner of a bakery. I may have even told you that I would be rich. I dreamed of Fame and loads of money. I dreamed of being somebodies hero.
So I have not done any of those things I dreamed about. Or have I? Today I can tell you that my life has only just begun. You see what I am realizing now is I forgot to dream about the one thing that really matter's. I forgot to dream about happiness. True I thought I would be happy but I thought having fame or loads of money was the only avenue I could take to get there. I forgot to dream about companionship. I forgot to dream about love. So what is fame really. I mean my son thinks I'm a hero for saving his blanket from the monster in the washing machine. He looks up to me and admires me. To him I am as famous as it gets. When you think of the rich you think of money, right? Do you think about the love the rich family on TV has for one another? Or do you count how many cars they have or how big there TV is. Come on really do you envy there life, or there lifestyle? Do you want to be them or be you with all there stuff? If you took there fame and fortune out of the picture where would they be? Would you still admire them? Would they still be interesting? Would they be loved? I am not so sure they would have anything real left.
10 years ago I wanted to be a best selling author of a cookbook. Today I have a mess of recipes in a book that I have written, and to my husband and 2 kids it is a Best Seller. Dream achieved.
10 years ago I wanted to own my own bakery. Today I make just about every pastry, cake, pie, and cookie my family ever wants or needs. Including wedding cakes for some very special people and birthday cakes worth framing. Dream achieved.
So wait maybe I have achieved my goal of fame and fortune.
Maybe it means enough to be famous to my kids or to have a rich home life full of a little stuff and lots of love. Maybe it is having no money that makes me so strong. Maybe it is the self discipline that comes with the budget that makes me a hero.
I am turning 25 this month and I am a mother of two wonderful kids and a wife to one amazing husband. I have incredible friends. I am healthy, and best of all I plan to live out all my dreams in my own way.
Who really knows what they want at 15 anyway.