I run my life or is it running me..?

Well hello to the dark hole that is the Internet. Its time I write to you to get off my chest what I cant rely on others to understand. I had a hard day. A hard week. I have reached a point where I feel as if I am spinning out of control down a dead end street.
Something broke today and I cried. Its not really one person or one thing that is causing my anxiety. Its life. Its the hard stuff that no one wants to talk about. Its all the hard work no one notices, its all the pressure to work harder, all the loop holes in the system you have to find on your own. Its "money doesn't grow on trees". Why cant life be more cut and dry. Who woke up one morning and said lets make things difficult? Why would they do that? Don't tell me it was to teach me and make me stronger. Just don't say it.
This week I thought my American dream was going to come true. Until I got slapped in the face with reality. Its going to be so much harder than anyone ever made it seem. Why cant people just tell the cold hard truth. Why cant they say I just bought a home and it was not easy it took this and that and you have to do this and wait for that. No one has ever been honest with me they have always said..." look at my new house, its great, it was so easy to get, I had nothing down and look at all my brand new furniture..." What a load of dodo. They lie because once the process is over they are filled with a great since of accomplishment, they become so happy they don't want to say it was hard they want to be proud and say look what I did. They don't want to talk about how they had to sell their kidney to the devil to make it work.
I am throwing my first birthday party for Jake in just under 10 hours and I am still awake talking to you and correcting my tired hands with spell check.
Whats worse is my husband was very rude to me yesterday. He did not understand my stress so he shut down. When I needed his support and his friendship he was not there to help. "I run to him", in everything, I run to him. Yesterday I had no one to run to. So here I am talking to space. Hoping that it helps me move on. Hoping that it helps me see the facts and what little good there is and just keep running on.

I am blessed to have what I have. So many have so much less.
Good night Brittany